I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
dude. I can hear the air.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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