I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
