Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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