i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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