My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
