It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
