I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
id be glad to
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
what day is it and did you see me today?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
