sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
