Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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