what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
