yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
