How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
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I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
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ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Couch. On fire.
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