I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
my sisters under your porch take her home
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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