"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
