sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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