i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
