loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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