My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
