the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
