I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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