are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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