I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize