I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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