my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
