You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
