I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
