def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
