Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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