Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
