Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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