i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
