he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
