you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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