I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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