I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
