Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
