ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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