proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
