yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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