Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
