Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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