She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I could make wine with my vomit
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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