I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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