you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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