Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
