david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
