Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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