I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
