I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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