we're chasing vodka with high fives
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
