Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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