We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
