omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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