Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
