Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
