she was so not down for the gang bang
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
