I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
