Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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