Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
