fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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