I faked an abortion last night.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
