You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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