guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
