My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize