Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
