Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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