you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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