we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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