Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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