so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
