Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
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