I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
