I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
