Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
