I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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