she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
