he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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