Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
