I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
