Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
