Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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