And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
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